Princeton Family Center for Education
Training programs in Bowen family systems theory, for professionals and non-professionals.
Why “Stories from Real Life”
The ideas of Bowen family systems theory as developed by Murray Bowen are the foundation of Princeton Family Center for Education. The past and present Directors of PFCE and every faculty member throughout the organization’s 34-year history have found the ideas of Bowen family systems theory to be an important resource in navigating more thoughtfully the successes and challenges of life in family, work, and social systems. Making these ideas available to a broader community of learners is the primary mission of Princeton Family Center for Education, which proposes that the concepts of Bowen family systems theory can guide thoughtful choices and responsible actions.
Kathy Wiseman discusses the valuable role storytelling can play in navigating one’s automatic responses to situations.
An important aspect of Bowen family systems theory is the direct application of the ideas to one’s own life.
As part of that, the theory supports a robust exploration into one’s family history. In addition to identifying and clarifying the genealogical facts such as births, deaths, marriages, and more, the theory provides the tools to access “essential knowledge about several concepts, including fusions, cutoffs, reactive feeling states, the emotional system, differentiation of self, and the complex of triangles” that exist in the multigenerational family history (Family Evaluation, p 381). Dr. Bowen wrote, “There is no such thing as a nuclear family that is not rooted in multiple past generations. Knowing one’s own past is essential in helping self be factual and impersonal about self in the present.” (Family Evaluation, p 375)
Princeton Family Center for Education supports the belief that one way of taking action on the ideas of Bowen family systems theory is to clarify the stories of one’s family history and consider how aspects of those stories are being automatically replicated in the present. The intentional observation of one’s own functioning in the family system, when viewed through the lens of Bowen family systems theory, can yield insight into possible choices for how to function more thoughtfully and more responsibly in relationship to self and others. This process of discerning the facts of functioning from the multigenerational family can also contribute to an increase in objectivity and neutrality about those facts. As Dr. Bowen wrote:
“As one reconstructs facts of a century or two ago, it is easier to get beyond myths and to be factual. To follow a nuclear family of 200 years ago from marriage through the addition of each new child, and then to follow the life course of each child, can provide one with a different view of the human phenomenon than is possible from examining the urgency of the present. It is easier to see the same emotional patterns as they operated then, and one can get a sense of continuity, history, and identity that is not otherwise possible. More knowledge of one’s distant families of origin can help one become aware that there are no angels or devils in a family; they were human beings, each with his own strengths and weaknesses, each reacting predictably to the emotional issue of the moment, and each doing the best he could with his life course.”
~Murray Bowen, M.D. (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p 492)
In addition to being a useful process for an individual to undertake, Princeton Family Center for Education proposes that listening to the carefully constructed “Stories from Real Life” of others can be a valuable tool in demonstrating the concepts of Bowen family systems theory. Dr. Bowen wrote that the event in his own family of origin on February 11, 1967 “was a hallmark in the history of the family” (Family Evaluation, p 379) as he succeeded in a differentiating effort that had been 12 years in the making. Inspired by that success, Dr. Bowen documented that he decided to make a differentiating effort in “the family of family therapists” at a March 1967 “invitational meeting that included every important person in the family field” (Family Evaluation, p 344). Dr. Bowen stated that meeting, at which he presented what is known as “The Anonymous Paper”, represented “one of the most important nodal points in my professional life” (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p 530).
Dr. Bowen wrote that “Until March 1967, no matter how hard I tried to present the ideas at a national meeting, the profession could hear no more than another method of family therapy.” (Family Evaluation, p 344). The illustration of Bowen family systems theory by telling the story of his own application of the ideas resulted in an impact that was “electric.” Dr. Bowen added that “No one left that meeting without gaining something from it.” (Family Evaluation, p 380). As a result, a national trend began of “own family” presentations. More broadly, Dr. Bowen documented that “the knowledge gained from that national meeting was reflected immediately in my own teaching at Georgetown” where it became “automatic to use the new ideas in teaching psychiatric residents and other members of the mental health professions” (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p 531).
Dr. Bowen wrote that within weeks of his new approach to teaching, he began to see trainees use the concepts in their interactions with family and noticed that those trainees were “doing better clinical work as family therapists than any previous residents” (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p 531). The primary reason for the improved functioning was determined to be the examples of Dr. Bowen’s efforts in his family and the ability for the trainees to apply those ideas in their own families, making the theory “alive and real” (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p 531).
Princeton Family Center for Education has consistently utilized small group supervision as part of its more formal training program. In essence, small group supervision is a process of employing brief stories presented by each trainee in an effort to apply the concepts to real life situations. The other trainees are invited to think about how the various emotional processes being described appear in their own relationship systems. Trainees routinely cite that aspect of the training as highly influential due to the power of seeing the ideas of Bowen family systems theory become “alive and real”.
“Stories from Real Life” takes the core idea of that application to a broader audience of individuals, many of whom may be hearing Bowen family systems theory ideas for the first time. The belief is that this natural systems theory can be a valuable resource to all. The process of constructing a story to present is a worthwhile exercise for the presenter and the telling of the story may have the additional impact of stirring thoughts in attendees, opening up consideration of more thoughtful choices and responsible actions. In writing about his research with families at the NIMH, Dr. Bowen stated, “The families usually did not hear the words that preceded differentiation, but they “heard and respected” the situation when action followed the words” (Family Evaluation, p 343). “Stories from Real Life” is the concrete illustration of the process of self-awareness, insight, and effort to think and act differently that is an elemental aspect of the life-long work on differentiation of self. As Dr. Bowen wrote:
“The ability to tell the right story at the right time is a way to enforce your own thinking about personal actions.”
~ Kathleen K. Wiseman, PFCE Stories from Real Life, October 2022
“The person who acquires a little ability at becoming an observer, and at controlling some of his emotional reactiveness acquires an ability that is useful for life in all kinds of emotional snarls. Most of the time he can live his life, reacting with appropriate and natural emotional responses, but with the knowledge that at any time he can back out of the situation, slow down his reactiveness, and make observations that help him control himself and the situation.”
~Murray Bowen, M.D. (Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p 542)